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Mon, Mar. 31st, 2008, 01:21 pm
Caged - Lyrics

These are the darkest clouds
To have surrounded me
Now I find my self alone caught in a cage
There's no flower to be found in here
Not withering
Or pale to me
Everyone with a friendly face
Seems to hide some secret inside

He told me he loved me
While he laughed in my face
He just led me astray
He took my virtue
I feel so cold inside
Sorrow has frozen my mind

My heart is covered
With thoughts entangled
How could it ever have felt so real?
Is there a place more lonely than I feel within?
Could I have seen?
Could I have known?
I just took it as the truth
Everyone with a friendly face
Seems to hide some secret inside
Always there to remind me
To keep me from believing
That someone might be there
Who'll free me and never ever leave me

Mon, Mar. 31st, 2008, 11:32 am
Lose Control

It's almost time again.  Time to take another step, another road to wander along.  I can't help but wonder where it will all lead?  I keep having a dream of walking down this road, but the trees keep their branches and leaves in the way so I cannot see the path.  I am with someone, but I don't know who it is, th figure is masked in complete and utter darkness. 

Soon the time will come, but what will I do then?  I wish I knew.  I wish I had a better plan, a better place to be I guess.  I just need to learn to let things come as they may, you know?  I think that is my hardest struggle, that and accepting things may not turn out as I want or expect them to.  And here I am, looking for everyone to be happy and yet I cannot do that, I know no one can.  But still, I try.  I don't know why I do?  I want everyone to be happy and if I could, I would make millions of copies of me to help make them each happy, because everyone deserves to be happy.  Everyone but me, it seems.  I mean, I want to be happy, but its hard to be?  When you are stuck in the middle like that.  I guess it can only be expected.

You don't remember my name
I don't really care
Can we play the game your way?
Can I really lose control?

Just once in my life
I think it'd be nice
Just to lose control- just once
With all the pretty flowers in the dust

Mary had a lamb

His eyes black as coal
If we play very quiet, my lamb
Mary never has to know

Just once in my life
I think it'd be nice
Just to lose control- just once

If I cut you down to a thing I can use
I fear there will be nothing good left of you
Of you

And something for my own remembering:


Some warn "danger, danger" when Leo and Scorpio meet, but there's a simmering fixedness that keeps these steamy signs bonded. Scorpio admires the radiance of Leo, and attracts the lion with their own mysterious magnetism. Leo's warmth melts the initial seriousness of Scorpio, and wins their trust with openness and generosity. Scorpio's deeply anchored and focused persona is a big draw for Leo, sensing someone that will support their own ambitions. They understand the edgy ego defenses of the other, and may even enjoy the tension their strong wills create.

Pluto-ruled Scorpio has the intensity of a fire sign, but with a psychic-intuitive radar that will catch Leo doing anything sneaky.

Both are jealous and possessive, and will need to set ground rules, and learn to fight fair. When either feels betrayed, the relationship suffers from the Scorpion's sting and the Lion's deafening roar. A loss of trust turns these zodiacal predators into the formidable enemy within. As exes, they may give in to a scorched earth policy, leaving no remnants of good will behind.

If they avoid the worst case scenario, the many Leo-Scorpio couples prove this is a dynamic combo that spurs each other to greater heights. Scorpio intuits the Lion's need for praise, and offers feedback that has weight to it. Leo's smiley ways and sense of celebration lure Scorpio into moods that bring out the very best in their complex nature. Their intimate life is by turns intense and playful, and a great catharsis for any tensions that build up between them. If they resist driving the relationship over a cliff, there's a sense of loyalty and exciting sexual chemistry that is more than enough to sustain a lifelong passion.


Let's begin on a positive note. One thing Leo and Scorpio share is an honest respect for one another. As mentioned before all Fire Signs (and Leos are no exception to the rule), instinctively comprehend that their bright enthusiasms can be drowned in Scorpio's watery depths-just as all Water Signs, like Scorpio, intuitively realize that if Leo's fires are allowed to blaze uncontrolled, they can come dangerously close to dehydrating their sensitivity, causing them to nearly disappear-if not entirely. A Scorpio will crawl away in the dark of night, rather than face final dehydration from a Leo mate, relative or friend. Scorps are self-protective. Very.

Both Sun Signs are Fixed in nature, and have a secret desire to dominate. Well, at least with Scorpio it's a secret desire; with the Lion, it's more or less obvious-unless the latter is a Leo who is submerging the natural Leonine ego, a very unhealthy thing to do. To casual observers of this pair it appears that Leo must eventually win control, the Lion or Lioness being so transparent about his or her goal as ruler of the relationship. But not all casual observers are astrologers. If they were, they'd take care not to underestimate Scorpio's subtle, long-range strategies, the power gained by keeping motives hidden, the effectiveness of a surprise attack when it is least expected. Careful calculation is advised before predicting the outcome of an association between these two astrological creatures-in the office,the family circle, or the marital scene.
The Scorpion is sensitive, and so will sense instinctively when Leo's pride is injured, then be enormously comforting and protective... when and outsider has done the hurting. When the wounds have been inflicted by the Scorpion himself (or herself), however, Leo may feel that Atilla the Hun would have more compassion. It's not anyone's fault but yours, Leo. Over and over again I've warned you that Scorpios mean business when they are miffed. They'll sting in retaliation. When Scorpio is mad, Scorpio is mad, and there is no trying to coax them out of it. Going away until it blows over won't help either. The anger will still be there when you return. Since Scorpios are not the overlooking kind, the only safe way to handle one and not get stung is to be careful not to push the Pluto-ruled person too far too often.
Unfortunately, Leo will seldom accept such advice. Treading carefully around Scorpions is for the cowardly. The proud and dauntless Leonine character scorns such caution, so Leo often pulls out all the stops, and the devil-take-the-hindmost. A friendly suggestion: Watch it. The devil just may do that.

Strangely the relationship between children and adults, whether related or not, in this particular 4-10 Pattern, is frequently very close, even touching. There is something hauntingly paternal or maternal in the attitude of the older Leo or Scorpio to the younger Scorpio or Leo. It is a joy to behold, delightful to experience. Perhaps this is because the younger Leo has not had time to acquire such fierce pride, therefore will not resent an older Scorpion's intense protective gestures. And it may be that the younger Eagles have not yet developed the full Pluto retaliatory nature, therefore can accept the Leo's dramatics more good-naturedly. The older these two become,however, the more effort they'll have to exert to achieve harmony. I know a young Scorpio boy who formed a deep attachment for an older Leo man. The latter was like a big brother to the youngster, whose own Aquarian big brother was, at the time, weathering the storms of adolescence, and therefore behaving with detachment towards him.

When a Scorpio finds someone or something worthy of respect, no one can be more respectful than a young Eagle, and Mike, the Scorpio boy, found much to respect in his older Leo companion. Bob, the Lion, patiently and lovingly taught the boy how to catch a lizard with string, then let it go free near a fish pond, how to fly a kite and make it soar among the clouds like...well...like an eagle! He told him Hobbit stories, complete with sound effects, answered his questions, with great seriousness, about how the handle of a car door works, and even sternly advised the boys mother that the youngster was not a slave just because he was years younger than she, that he deserved to be treated with respect and to be asked-not rudely ordered-to run errands for her. All this slowly but surely imbedded itself into the Pluto subconscious. Then came the day when they were standing together on a rock at the edge of the ocean in Pismo Beach, California, and a huge wave appeared suddenly, completely engulfing them. If the Lion had not held tightly to the boy, he would have been washed away out to sea, and the child couldn't swim. That sealed the relationship. The boy firmly believed his Leo friend had saved his life, and he was ready to worship him forever after. (Leos can stand a lot of that!)

Later, the Lion, through no fault of his own, has to go away. His absence dragged on for nearly seven years. The Scorpio boy was leaving his childhood behind with each passing year-yet, not once, in all that time, did he waver in his intense loyalty to the far-away Lion. Although there had been no communication of any kind between them, he would listen to no negative word against his friend. He knew he had a good reason to go away, just as he knew he would return. And one day..he did. Scorpio is seldom wrong in judging character.

I also knew a small scorpio girl in Falls Village, Connecticut, who feels the same way about her real-life blood-brother Lion, and showers him with absolute adoration. The Big Cat loves it, of course, and the devotion is mutual. It's the same thing when Leo is the youngster, Scorpio is the older one. Both Sun Signs instinctively protect the weaker. Between the Sun-ruled and the Pluto-ruled, it's an "all or nothing-at-all relationship". Neither the Eagle nor the Lion or Lioness can handle caring casually. They will be passionately attached-or ignore one another. No middle ground for these two, whatever the association.

In the less fortunate Leo-Scorpio combinations, the initial attraction may last more briefly than both believed it would when it began. It won't take long for disenchantment to set in if one of them has an incompatible Moon Sign, for Scorpio's attitude of "I'm always right," even though unspoken, will frustrate, then annoy Leo. Superiority needn't be verbalized by Scorp. A long, hard stare of cool confidence can project the message quite clearly. The Leonine resentment then may seem unjust, since Leo is an equally recognized expert in the conviction of his or her privilege of infallibility-of being always right, while everyone else is always wrong. (Yet, somehow, the Lion or Lioness is never quite as certain of this as a Scorpion.) The smug "I'm superior" attitudes of these two are so similar, you'd think they'd be more tolerant of one another's egos, but it doesn't always work that way. In a human relationship, there's room for only one person to be always right the way Leo and Scorpio are always right (they think) .

The Fixity of both signs doesn't help matters. Fixity is another word for stubbornness, a little milder in meaning perhaps, nevertheless making it difficult to swerve or sway a Leo or Scorpio from a set position or opinion. Try it, when you have lots of time to spare. You'll soon understand what astrology means by a fixed sign. (leo, Scorpio, Taurus, and Aquarius are the fixed signs.)
Scorpio may remain quiet during a leonine monologue, but don't be fooled. No Scorp is going to accept opinions from a Leo without being totally convinced of their validity. The Scorpio will either object outright with a blunt refusal to accept the Leonine views being arrogantly pressed upon him-or her-or find a way to avoid the whole issue. Sneaky. That's the word for it. At least that's the word Leo would choose to describe the way Scorpio slides, crawls and slithers away from obeying his or her Majesty's commands. There's nothing sneaky about Leo; even Scorpio will admit that. What these Kings and Queens desire and demand is made clear to all peasants. No, Leos are not sneaky-just a little bossy. And spoiled. And accustomed to getting their own way since they were cubs. Yet they're so warm and sunny, so generous and friendly, despite those commanding airs, that even the normally perceptive Scorpion may not immediately sense the danger of dehydration-or worse. Likewise, Scorps are so gifted with the subtle talent of appearing to give and inch that it may be a while until Leo recognizes the situation as another Waterloo.

When Leo is injured, he or she will either pout or roar. The later behavior will disturb Scorpio's sensitive psyche the first few times, causing an apparent retreat-but if either the pouting or roaring is repeated with unnecessary frequency, eventually all Leo will get for such dramatics from the Scorp is that frustrating, long, hard, cold Pluto stare. Being stared down by a Scorpion is about as pleasant as making mudpies in a sandbox full of black widow spiders. It does absolutely nothing for the Leonine sense of self importance.
If these two play down the personal element, and keep their mutual endeavors centered on abstract goals outside themselves, they can operate as a smooth unit, a formidable threat to outsiders who try to conquer them by smothering Leo's fire or making waves in Scorpio's water

But if Leo's impulsive ideals and generous spirit are watered down so often that those splendid Leonine dreams are dampened to the point of crumbling, the Scorpio will be banished from the Kingdom-or the Leo will leave himself (or herself) and move to another castle where one can expect to receive the proper respect for royalty. It would also behoove Leo to curb that bossy attitude with Scorpio. From no other Sun Sign will the Lion or Lioness receive such depth of loyalty and devotion. It must be earned. Still, it's well worth swallowing a few lumps of pride now and then to be worshiped with the kind of intensity only Pluto can give.

Thu, Mar. 27th, 2008, 03:51 am
Its the Fear

"It waits for the day, I will let it out
To give it a reason, to give it its might

I fear who I am becoming,
I feel that I am losing the struggle within
I can no longer restrain it,
My strength, it is fading
I have to give in

It's the fear,
The fear of the dark
Its growing inside of me

They won, they will come to life
Have to save,
Save my beloved,
There is no escape
Because my fate is horror and doom

Hold down your head now,
Just let me pass by
Don't feed my fear,
If you don't want it out

I fear who I am becoming,
I feel that I'm losing all beauty within
I can no longer restrain it,
My strength, it is fading
I have to give in

It's the fear,
The fear of the dark
Its growing inside of me
They won, they will come to life
Have to save,
Save my beloved,
There is no escape
Because my fate is horror and doom

Long ago, it came to me
and ever since that day,
Infected with it's rage
But it ends today

It's the fear,
The fear of the dark
Its growing inside of me
They won, they will come to life
Have to save,
Save my beloved,
There is no escape
Because my fate is horror and doom."

Tue, Mar. 11th, 2008, 03:56 am

Choices.  Everyday we make them.  Everyday, it feels as though we choose a path that we cannot move from or stray.  So immoveable are these choices, sometimes, and the pain that is associated with them.  I am left to question my choices daily: did I do this right?  Should I have done something differently?  What could have been...?  What will be?

Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish that everyone could just be and just be alright, with where they are, or what they are doing.  Their choices are what guide them and I wish that sometimes they would just make the right choice, the choice to be happy. 

It's very quiet now that the cat is gone.  I can hear everything.  I sleep with the light on and I can still hear everything.  I am not sure if I am happy, but I know it was for the best.  At least I think it was.  My reality seems so far off from everyone elses', mine is filled with confusion and the feeling of being very empty and alone right now.  Will my choices I have made today, yesterday, the week ago come to haunt me continually on this vicious cycle or will they lead to happiness?  I have no true confidantes, just a few sparse words here and there and my efforts to *try* and be more open with him.  It's very hard, and sometimes I can't speak, I don't know why.  I know it drives him crazy but I can't.

I just want a hug, I think, right now and the reassurance that everything will be alright.

But I can't have that reassurance here, now.  I just feel so low--

someone has good timing.

Mon, Mar. 3rd, 2008, 01:25 pm
At work

"The sexes tend to deal with anxiety in opposite ways, too, Clayton says. Men head to the bedroom to relieve stress, while women often need to be relaxed to even have sex."


Mon, Feb. 25th, 2008, 12:33 pm
Scorpio Stuff

Personality Traits

Scorpio holds the enviable reputation of being the most sexually magnetic, smoulderingly charismatic, and psychologically enigmatic of all the zodiac figures. Wonderful! … But there is, of course, a downside (no sign gets it all). Scorpio has also garnered the most derogatory collection of 'keywords', with its predilection for subtlety and self-preservation never far from the inference of craftiness, cunning, betrayal, and deceit. Throughout history, Scorpio has been subjected to ongoing slanderous assault: Considered a dark, defensive sign with subterranean drives and a powerful reservoir of emotional energy, Scorpio has often been used as a significator for liars, backstabbers, traitors, thieves, lechers, and all sorts of dubious users and abusers! In medieval times scorpions were emblems of evil, death, and the serving of self-interest, used as a token for Judas in Christian symbolism because of the deadly treachery implicit in their sting. [1] Fortunately - in view of such disparaging associations - Scorpios are also known for their impenetrable defences, and for their ability to beguile opponents into underestimating both their resilience, and the fixidity of purpose that fuels their interminable self-will.

The dark and heavy emphasis of traditional texts leaves a very unbalanced, one-sided view of Scorpio's fundamental dynamics. Whilst the essence of 'darkness' permeates this feminine, phlegmatic, nocturnal and autumnal sign in every aspect of its symbolism, the value judgements that we place upon astrological motifs are often inappropriate. No sign ever falls on the negative end of a moral trait; it is only bound to representing an archetypal theme and bringing both extremes of that theme into focus. With Scorpio the inference of deceit picks out the theme of falsity and truth; and as we might expect, those with the acuity to be masters of deceit are also the best equipped to recognise it when they see it. In their gift of realising deception, rejecting hollowness and seeing through shallow facades, Scorpios are not afraid to expose realty for what it is; they are the emissaries of a more complete sense of truth than many of us are prepared to contemplate, the penetrating aspects of it often being too painfully sharp for comfort. The paradox of Scorpio is that when it is fooling you, it is not really acknowledging you at all. Real communication with this sign means engaging with honesty, no matter how candid, sordid or direct. Cheat you it may - that means nothing; when something really does matter Scorpio won't be fooled and it won't mess around with either pleasantries or mind games.

Traditionally governed by Mars, Scorpios are genuinely capable of seeming destructive and intimidating, (towards noble ends as well as self-centred interests), because where Mars dominates there is little interest in compromise; the impulse is for active attack or strategic defence, whatever it takes to avoid yielding one inch more than necessary. But the direct, active principle of Mars is sublimated in its nocturnal expression, and like all water signs Scorpios seldom instigate attacks, preferring to hold their power in reserve. This undercurrent of unexpressed energy is the basis of an almost tangible magnetism, a sense of power embedded in the aura that reveals itself expressly when their acute defensive instinct is stirred. It's worth remembering that, as much as it may seem a contradiction, Scorpios strongest line of attack is always in defence, where their fixidity brings enduring patience and determination, and their natural resilience makes them seem practically impassable. Consider the role of scorpion gods in ancient symbolism and myth; invariably their function is to act as guardians, custodians and protectors; oblivious to external distraction but ferocious in the cruel retribution unleashed on those who break their sentinel.

When Scorpios do engage in conflict their method of operation is perfectly reflected by the terrestrial creature that defines their celestial motif - all scorpions are venomous and all are predators, but they never actively hunt or chase down their prey; instead they patiently sit and wait, months if necessary, proceeding to ambush only when their quarry is close enough to stand little chance of escape. In business and battle Scorpios make inestimable adversaries, particularly when they take up positions where they can calculate, control and hold back a concerted effort until its execution will realise maximum impact. Consequently Scorpios excel at military leadership, board room politics and court room disputes; Second World War leaders Patton, Montgomery and Rommel were all Scorpios, locked together in a game of cool, calculated planning geared towards maximum damage for minimum effort. No doubt the capacity to hold the nerve and strike without hesitation has served Scorpio Bill Gates equally well in the battle ground of the business world.

The ability to penetrate superficial gloss is a trait that Scorpio shares with Virgo, a sign to which it is tied in sympathy, albeit often with the inequitable viewpoint of Scorpio being the perpetrator of worldly-wise experience, and Virgo, the victim of purity born from naivety. Their affiliation is revealed in the similarities of their glyphs which represent the intestines and illustrate that both signs are highly sensitive to gut-reaction. Impetus derived from the guts rather than the brain is emotive and instinctive, 'gut instinct' being a potent motivator in the decision-making processes and emotional responses of both these signs. Yet with Virgo the glyph is closed off and recedes into itself, symbolising barrenness, an urge to be self-contained, but revealing a need to receive and allow itself to be drawn out in order to gain completeness. With Scorpio the glyph is outwardly extended, blatantly phallic, depicting an energy that is not so easily constrained; its impulse is to penetrate, invade, and when it does so its manner is unswerving and focussed.

Both of these are feminine signs, so neither is comfortable with an easy, expressive discharge of internal energy; and since Scorpio is of the phlegmatic temperament it is even more driven towards internalisation. In order to penetrate it must first draw towards it: Scorpio doesn't walk into your territory, it doesn't flirt and cajole, it merely let's its own energy attract, and when penetrating your secrets it does so having lured you to a place where resistance is low. Like Virgo, Scorpio has an analytical gift: it probes the depths, breaks apart, identifies the dross and eliminates the wasteful or insincere. But whereas Virgo draws upon a Mercurial process of analysis and integration, Scorpio relies purely on its gut-reaction, its lack of quick mental assessment more than adequately compensated by heightened emotional/psychic sensitivity and a compulsive fixation upon a problem until its actual dimensions are finally exposed.

Like all water signs, Scorpio finds a natural habitat in the world of feelings and instincts. Its emotional reservoir is incredibly strong since its fixed nature is resistant to easy movement, allowing the watery element to seep into rarely accessed depths that are not easily stirred, processed or purified. Within the practical application of using astrological symbolism to identify locations, the 'fixed element of water' is used to represent long-accumulated sediment, water trapped by the coldness of ice or the heaviness of mud. It is moved only by great effort and force, signifying torrents, flooded land and destructive mud-slides. In drawing an analogy between water and the realm of human emotions, we can see why this sign has a natural attachment to depth-psychology: Scorpio has a very rich and fertile insight into the underbelly of life, and even in the definition of the sign as 'autumnal' we are reminded that the emphasis is taken away from that which exposes itself on the surface, to the need to withdraw back to the fundamental root. Here destruction and creativity meet together, causing a tremendous alchemical reaction between attraction and repulsion, a transmutative force which deserves the highest respect since a negative or uncontrolled release is capable of destruction, just as a positive, controlled discharge is imbibed with the power to sweep away all boundaries of resistance.

The Egyptians, who accorded great honour to scorpions and beetles, recognised the spiritual alliance between the creatures that dwelt beneath the earth and the magical, alchemical processes of life, death and regeneration. The most blessed state was to be born in a 'rich compost' of power, and the black, fertile mud of the Nile delta was their Prima Materia, the bubbling melting pot of creativity where decomposing elements underwent an attractive reaction that allowed the emergence of new life. Their word for this black, muddy earth was Kemit, adopted as khemia by the Greeks, and eventually forming the basis of the word alchemy which has dropped its spiritual dimension - but not its power to transmute and create - in the modern word chemistry. Whilst all the water signs are known for their fertile potential, it is with dark, still, muddy Scorpio that we encounter the truly powerful creative potential.

Similar analogies are revealed through the relationships between the signs of the zodiac and the parts of the body they rule. These are never 'ad hoc' connections, and allow us another route to explore the deeper motive of each sign. Scorpio governs the groin area: the 'private parts' which contain the reproductive and excretory organs. Reproduction expresses the drive towards continuance, 'seed' being symbolic of latent life force and reserves of power as yet unexploited. Excretion demonstrates the need to eliminate that which has served its purpose; thus in the bodily processes of procreation and elimination we see the metaphysical reflection of the Scorpionic dance through attraction, creation, destruction and regeneration.

For Scorpios who lack conscious direction this can seem an exhaustive ongoing process, a life full of highs and lows, passion and pain, with the zenith and nadir of experience expanding with each successive turn. There is no doubt that this full exposure to experience involves pain, suffering, hardship, distress and agonised emotions. The 'private parts' relate symbolically to the depths of the hidden, unlit realms; where the raw, gritty and disquieting elements of all that is unpleasant and socially unacceptable take place. Most Scorpios have encountered the harsher realities of the world at some level or another, and being fixed in disposition they retain their experiences - even the most in-depth, transpersonal counselling techniques can only help to bring acceptance and understanding, they do not erase the memories. Through Scorpio we are drawn to confronting and conquering such demons, a journey requiring an honest acceptance of how we contribute towards, as well as suffer from, the issues that underlie corrupted patterns of behaviour. It has been said that no one has a true understanding of any brutal, distressing event until they have experienced it in full. Who can claim to understand or even try to break any pattern of abuse except those that have acknowledged their part as both abuser and abused, and then, having risen outside of the circle, brought the wisdom of experience to the needs of those still suffering within it? Scorpios that are in or have worked through this cycle naturally find it hard to be lightly chatty about it. Any attempt to skirt around issues, whatever form they take, smacks of insincerity and avoidance, and Scorpios have seen too much, and worked too hard to deal honestly with the darker sides of reality, to engage in a world of pretence. Even in their sarcastic sense of humour Scorpios have a way of reminding us that we may laugh at life, but we should never be too flippant about it.

If, as the Egyptians thought, scorpions represent initiation into the sacred mysteries, we can consider the sign's other related creature, the eagle, as a higher expression of Scorpio power. Many ancient astrologers, including Ibn Ezra, recognised eagle symbolism as valid to this sign, since the biblical prophet Ezekiel described a vision, believed to be drawn from Babylonian astrology and representative of the 'fixed cross of matter':

As for the likeness of their faces, they four had the face of a man [Aquarius], and the face of a lion [Leo], on the right side: and they four had the face of an ox [Taurus] on the left side; they four also had the face of an eagle [Scorpio]. (Ezekiel 1 verse 10).

Saint John's book of the Apocalypse (Revelation 4, v7) also alludes to the vision, of which Fred Gettings, in The Secret Zodiac, writes:

The eagle of St John is the eagle of Scorpio, which sign (alone of all the twelve) has two images, the eagle the symbol of the redeemed and spiritualized Scorpionic nature, the scorpion its fallen, unredeemed and earth-bound nature. [2]

Transcendence from the crawling scorpion to the soaring eagle, still predatory, still conveying the essence of patience and penetration, but capable of flight and height, brings together the theme of destruction and renewal as a story of evolution. The argument that the constellation Aquila the Eagle took its name from the time it coincided with the summer solstice - the bird of greatest elevation assuming the symbolism of the summit of the Sun - supports the view that in this respect the eagle is representing the 'Scorpionic myth' of the phoenix, which self-immolates after turning its nest into a funeral pyre and, (according to the Roman historian Pliny's report), rises again, initially as a small worm that grows from the bones and marrow of the carcass. [3] All Scorpios feel themselves to be on this spiritual quest of transformation and it should be remembered that their depth of mind is as equally attracted to higher philosophy as it is to depth psychology.

Being committed to such a purposeful journey, Scorpios may well seem too intense to many, immensely secretive regarding private matters, unforgiving, jealous and possessive of their territory, and instinctively hostile to those who stand in their way. Their emotions are strong and passionate, but they run deep and are not easily expressed. Their relationships are seldom relaxed and easy-going, as sexual attraction is often the means through which they explore their own emotional power and transformational journey. Once passion is lacking they are capable of an almost cold-heated detachment and reserve which can leave an acute sense of abandonment in the partner. Ultimately they follow their own path, and yet they remain intensely loyal to those to whom they give their allegiance, take their responsibilities seriously and respond positively to trust that is sincerely invested in them. Their personal magnetism draws many towards them and if they chose to take up a position of leadership their motivating will bears strong influence upon others and their persistence usually guarantees success. But they will often shy away from positions that involve long periods of being the centre of attention - bright light is stark and inhospitable to them. Although they enjoy pulling the strings of influence, they prefer to do so 'behind the scenes' or in such a way that ensures their personal privacy is preserved. Scorpios have subtle, crafty fingers but never forget that they are attached to an iron first of power. People tend to love them or hate them; either way Scorpios are always a force to be reckoned with.

Typical Features

Scorpio typically gives a well built, corpulent body with a strong constitution. Where the body is large, it is nonetheless solid, robust and active, and generally quite hairy. The complexion, hair or features tend towards darkness, and the eyes are often dark and penetrating. The face is characteristically square or broad with a short neck, often giving a squat appearance.

Traditional Rulerships

Direction: All the water signs relate to the direction north - Scorpio relates to north-east.
Anatomy: Scorpio principally governs the groin area, from the bladder to the anus. It is related to the excretory system, reproductive organs and the genital regions.
Illnesses: Although Scorpio is considered a fertile sign, in decumbiture charts it signifies afflictions to the womb, and both the internal and external reproductive organs. Governed by Mars, many of its diseases are associated with ruptures, inflammations, ulcers and acute pain caused through abrasions and blockages. Diseases that fall under the signification of Scorpio include ureteral stones (bladder stones, blockages in the penis); strangury (painful discharge of urine); priapism (prolonged, painful erection); inflammatory bowel disease and such diseases as lead to fistulas (ulcerations that form channels of infection) in the lower intestines and genital regions; sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhoea and syphilis; hemorrhoids or piles (swollen veins in the rectum and anus which cause painful burning and itching); testicular diseases and all illnesses that lead to pain in the lower abdominal, genital or perineal area.

Scorpio is also generally associated with viruses or afflictions that come from bites, stings or poisoning. Raphael claims it signifies "all secret and virulent diseases" and it has often been ascribed to illnesses of an hidden, occult or unknown origin. Raphael also claims that Scorpio signifies scurvy, a disease caused by a lack of vitimin C, which prevents the healthy absorption of iron from the intestines.
Places: Ruled by the malefic planet Mars, many of the places signified by Scorpio suggest a hostile environment, resonating fear or threat, or characterised by a lack of light and restricted movement. These include habitats where vermin, reptiles or insects gather and, according to Al Biruni, deserted places, prisons and places of grief and mourning.

As the fixed member of the water triplicity, Scorpio also relates to locations where water collects and stagnates: muddy or swampy grounds, bogs, marshes, sedimentary deposits and quagmires. Modern authors have suggested that the fixed aspect of water is perfectly representative of ice or snow, whilst Lilly suggested "stinking lakes" and "ruinous houses near waters" and Raphael proposed "receptacles for filth and vermin, sewers, drains". Al Biruni mentions black mud and underground conduits, but also captured the destructive martial power through his association with drowned (flooded) land and torrents. A further illustration of Scorpio being linked with mud is his suggestion that in furniture it signifies artefacts made of clay.

Inside the house Scorpio points to locations that are cold and dark, low down or underground, or near water used to eliminate waste. These include sinks (and the cupboards underneath them that contain poisonous cleaning agents), toilets and drains (inside and out); cellars, pantries and larders (being cold and dark), undeveloped basements, areas that suffer from damp and decay, or have been left untenanted and remain in need of renovation or demolition. In the garden Scorpio will represent muddy areas, compost heaps, the sunless north-facing wall, inaccessible areas, pot holes, puddles and stagnant ponds.
Countries & cities: Include Northern Bavaria, Norway, Algeria, Morocco, Catalonia and Valencia in Spain, Urbrino, Messina and Frejus in Italy, Vienne in France, Ghent in Belgium, and Frankfurt in Germany.
Colours Generally defined as brown, although sometimes described as dark red, grey red or black red, from which we can assume a dark, blood-red brown.
Stones & Metals: Stones and metals fall under the rulership of planets, not signs, but through its association with Mars, Scorpio is often linked with iron, ocre, bloodstone, jasper, red lead or vermilion.

Traditional Rulerships of Mars

Traditional Definitions:

Fruitful: Unless afflicted, Scorpio shows a propensity for large families, many children or easy pregnancy. Scorpio is the least promising of the fruitful (or 'fertile') signs however because where it is afflicted, it can indicate many pregnancies that fail.
Mute or slow of voice: Scorpio is not known for verbal dexterity, and suffers from an inability to communicate openly and freely.

Thu, Jan. 17th, 2008, 11:44 am
It's been awhile, old friend

From Oprah.com:

You're not everything I need

I'm a big fan of sexual monogamy, but I'm puzzled by lovers who claim that their romantic partner is the only person they need in their lives or that time together is the only activity necessary for emotional fulfillment. Humans are designed to live in groups, explore ideas, and constantly learn new skills.

Trying to get all this input from one person is like trying to get a full range of vitamins by eating only ice cream. When a couple believes "We must fulfill all of each other's needs, each becomes exhausted by the effort to be all things to the other and neither can develop fully as an individual.

Sacrificing all our individual needs doesn't strengthen a relationship. Mutually supporting each other's personal growth does.

I won't always hold you close

There's a thin line between a romantic statement like "I love you so much, I want to share my life with you until death do us part" and the lunatic-fringe anthem "I love you so much that if you try to leave me, I'll kill you."

People who say such things love others the way spiders love flies; they love to capture them, wrap them in immobilizing fetters, and drain nourishment out of them at peckish moments. This is not the kind of love you want.

The way you can tell real love from spider love is simple: Possessiveness and exploitation involve controlling the loved one, whereas true love is based on setting the beloved free to make his or her own choices.

You and I aren't one

Perhaps you are neither a spider nor a fly, but a chameleon who morphs to match the one you love. Or you may date chameleons, choosing partners who conform to your personality. Either way, you're not in a healthy relationship. In fact, you're not in a relationship at all.

If you're living by the "We are one" ideal, it's high time you found out how terrific love for two can be. Follow your heart in a direction your partner wouldn't go. Dare to explore your differences. Agree to disagree. If you're accustomed to disappearing, this will allow you to see that you can be loved as you really are. If you tend to dominate, you'll find out how interesting it is to love an actual person rather than a human mirror.

Wed, Aug. 22nd, 2007, 04:29 pm

It was always safer, inside.

Why is it like that?

I just don't know, around and around we go.

Maybe Aksafiya was right.

Mon, Mar. 26th, 2007, 03:10 pm
How Can I Help You To Say Goodbye?

Through the back window of a '59 wagon
I watched my best friend Jamie slippin' further away
I kept on waving 'till I couldn't see her
And through my tears, I asked again why we couldn't stay
Mama whispered softly, "Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same."

And she said, "How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?"

I sat on our bed, he packed his suitcase
I held a picture of our wedding day
His hands were trembling, we both were crying
He kissed me gently and then he quickly walked away
I called up Mama, she said, "Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same."

And she said, "How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?"

Sitting with Mama alone in her bedroom
She opened her eyes, and then squeezed my hand
She said, I have to go now, my time here is over
And with her final word, she tried to help me understand
Mama whispered softly, "Time will ease your pain
Life's about changing, nothing ever stays the same"

And she said, "How can I help you to say goodbye?
It's OK to hurt, and it's OK to cry
Come, let me hold you and I will try
How can I help you to say goodbye?"

How can I help you to say goodbye?

Fri, Mar. 9th, 2007, 04:40 pm
And all that could have been...

I don't know anymore.

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